Is it worth it?

I’ve been doing a lot of things everyday, day after day…except for a few, I don’t feel like doing’em…they don’t interest me anymore…they are done just because someone asked for’em…

Root cause of the pain is knowing things done unwillingly are not even being realized, acknowledged, appreciated…guess the last word was like asking for a little too much...

Thinking of times flooded with work… Days spent thinking work, sleeping work, eating work & doing work, joy of being acknowledged, joy of being appreciated, joy of being the centre of attention (though I din't like it much), joy of being on top of everything (as they say it), joy of being the only one in the category to have received awards, joy of being the reason of people’s jealousy…gone are the days…

I was raised to be honest and sincere, loyal and truthful and was proud to have acquired these qualities, now I wonder if they are still considered to be qualities. Sincerity doesn’t pay without being able to refuse to obey, Honesty doesn’t pay without being manipulative, being loyal doesn’t pay without being bitching, being truthful doesn’t pay without saying half truths is what I’ve been observing, and I feel I am stuck!

I am stuck because I find it all contradicting and I can never understand how they do it. I can never do this without losing things I am proud of possessing and if I ever do it, I wouldn’t consider myself alive anymore because I don’t think its really worth living like being that.

I feel being wasted…


Sweety.