10 years without you

I still remember myself watching her go, she was to be admitted in a hospital, and I kept seeing her till the end of the road, and I'd do this almost everyday. Would think about her, resting my elbows on the windowsill, without batting an eyelid, I'd keep looking at that corner of the road, imagining that's where she'd come from, smiling healthily.

But little I knew that she won't ever come back...what came was the news that she had departed.

Again and again, even after she'd left, I'd still go and look out of the window, would keep looking at the same end of the same road, thinking non stop "here she comes, here she come, she hasnt really gone away..." Those were the days when I had actually started believing that departed ones do come back, but she never did!

And then there was a time I started hating her, for she had made us so miserable without her, I am sure she knew this misery had to happen. I can never forget how helpless we were. But I also knew she's around and is watching her daughters being raised without her and feeling helpless about it. Gradually that bad feeling melted away, gradually I involved myself in daily chores she used to take care of, but I continued with my waiting-at-the-window routine, I kept waiting for her arrival.

And I still remember pa appearing from the same end of the road, accompanied by a few other men, hands down, folded, face down, eyes down, looking at the road, coming towards home. He had brought her, lifeless, for us to see her for the last time and bid her the last good bye...

That was the end of one big chapter of our lives...lives had changed, our lives had changed.

Though I wanted to preserve them, but after a lot of thinking, I got some of her dresses altered and would wear them sometimes. And then I noticed - pa would look sadder, gloomier and quieter. I realised her clothes made him think of her much much more. He almost even called me with her name when I was wearing her clothes. Seemed like I was torturing him and I made up my mind not to wear them again...

Growing up, I was inspired to take up a lot of things she had mastered in. While I was real interested in some, I took up some only out of respect I had, but soon figured it was worth including them in life... one of those things was designing dresses. Everybody around was so amazed with my work, while I thought it was probably in my genes.

Offlate, I have been occupied to such extent, that I dont even think of her everyday or as much as I should, yet some or the other thing reminds me of her. Life is being pretty good to me and I feel happier when I remind myself that wherever she is, she is with pa and not alone. I know she is constantly watching over us and still doing her best for us.

Today, its been whole ten years without you Ma, and deep down somwhere in my heart, I still hope I'd see you standing next to me and I'd get in one moment, what I've missed all these years. Thank you a zillion times, if at all that can suffice, for everything you got me in life, however I'd still ask you for something...

We all are still incomplete without you, please come back if you can.

Sweety.