Is it worth it?

I’ve been doing a lot of things everyday, day after day…except for a few, I don’t feel like doing’em…they don’t interest me anymore…they are done just because someone asked for’em…

Root cause of the pain is knowing things done unwillingly are not even being realized, acknowledged, appreciated…guess the last word was like asking for a little too much...

Thinking of times flooded with work… Days spent thinking work, sleeping work, eating work & doing work, joy of being acknowledged, joy of being appreciated, joy of being the centre of attention (though I din't like it much), joy of being on top of everything (as they say it), joy of being the only one in the category to have received awards, joy of being the reason of people’s jealousy…gone are the days…

I was raised to be honest and sincere, loyal and truthful and was proud to have acquired these qualities, now I wonder if they are still considered to be qualities. Sincerity doesn’t pay without being able to refuse to obey, Honesty doesn’t pay without being manipulative, being loyal doesn’t pay without being bitching, being truthful doesn’t pay without saying half truths is what I’ve been observing, and I feel I am stuck!

I am stuck because I find it all contradicting and I can never understand how they do it. I can never do this without losing things I am proud of possessing and if I ever do it, I wouldn’t consider myself alive anymore because I don’t think its really worth living like being that.

I feel being wasted…


Sweety.

Office Party <:-)

Friday, May 16 was Office party for TM at IQR. Last one was in April '07 and so this one was much awaited.

I aint a regular at parties and the biggest requisite for me is the presence of hubby dearest. Still I decided to attend this one, after Boss #2 had asked me to be there and left me wondering why he said that...so we left the office at 2200 hrs for the venue. I wudnt really name the place cz it sucked big time and I am not here to write reviews abt places...anyway.

So, I signed on the entry sheet corresponding to my name in the list, got my wrist stamped with the logo of the place at the entrance and stepped inside. Soon as I joined a couple of colleagues, I was asked what i'd like to drink and that reminded me of a small exchange of words merely an hour back:
R: Have changed my mind, I think I am going to party, Oliie asked me to join.
A: Gud, have a gud time. Dont drink too much. Love you.
R: Do you think I am gonna drink? Not without you, darls.
A: I meant water, juice....
R: Dont you kid me, ok?
And I declared I wanted juice. "What, you have come here to drink juice?" Asked PS. Astonished, I replied, "Yes, I dont drink when A is not around." She laughed at me, doesnt matter, I thot. :) Snacks were served and drinks started flowing. I quickly sent a text to A, who was still in office and much to my dismay, having a bad day. Guess it worsened it for him wen I wrote, "boring party, missing you loads."

Music was ok initially, probably the DJ took time getting our taste of music...but does it really matter when people are drunk to no limit and all they want is a loud noise to move thier bodies? But yes, music got better and better gradually. And that was only gud thing about the place. Gud english and punjabi music made everyone move non-stop. I can't dance, honestly and so I was sitting at the back, tapping my feet on the floor, non stop (thats all I know about dancing) and munching on chilly chicken and kababs when Boss #2 approaches. Clicking pix from his cam he asked why I wasnt dancing. "Cz I dunno how to", came the apt reply from me. "Yeah, as if I joined a dance school as soon as I was born!!" Saying this, boss left me speechless, stepping on the dance floor again.

I love to see people dancing. I can always spot a few who believe in "Dance as if no one's watching", it shows from the way they dance! While I refused many a requests to dance, I thot of having some more juice. Spotting Boss #1 near the bar, I approached him and asked him to get one for me, meanwhile, Boss #2 comes towards the bar.
R: Thanks for making me come here, I think its gonna be a gud one for all of us.
Boss: (smiling) btw, what are you having?
R: Pineapple juice!



Guess he was a lil concerned, knowing A wasnt around. Making him smile, I left the bar. Back here at the dance floor, things were getting better by the minute. Booze effect, eh? It was so great to see all the bosses dancing, making faces and drinking. For a change, no superviser scolded anyone for not meeting target and no executive cribbed for break. The best part, no hierarchy, no boss-subordinate relation!


Soon, the booze effect was clearly visible on a few and others were still sober. And then we got some retro hindi music! A gr8 start with "Pyar hamein kis mod pe le aaya" made all the bosses go jump on the dance floor, followed by "bachna aye hasino lo main aa gaya" with Boss #2, moving fingers in his hair and giving cute expressions on his face. "Roop tera mastana" left him wondering which gal he shud tease and dance with! :)




It was a little after mid-night when the DJ announced he was going to play the last track for the night. We all shouted our lungs out asking for more n more! Sensing that I was the only one who hadnt danced yet, MS, our new CEO grabbed my hand and brought me to the dance floor. Dilemma: I cant dance and I cant say no to her! So I called all those who I had refused to dance with and thot of trying it out with'em. Thanks to my misfortune, the track the DJ had played turned out to be "Sutta", OMG! But u know what? I went on, I really dunno who saw me doing that, but yes, I danced for a few seconds and ran back. See the Suttah effect:

& The best one...

Next 45 minutes were spent requesting DJ for more music and dancing endlessly. With the free supply of booze, almost everyone had had enough, but not everyone can handle it, u see. The worst part was when a supervisor was also out and started acting insane. I heard a bouncer(i guess he was a bouncer) asking his boss not to play anymore music fearing we wudnt move out of the place if it wasnt stopped. ;) :P The bosses made sure everyone had dinner which was one real difficult task to get done. I, all of a sudden felt an urge of having ice cream so I asked Boss #1.
R: (Raising my hand like a school kid) I want an ice cream!
Boss: Have ur food and u'l get it.
R: Had it.
Boss: Will just get one.

And I saw him asking the buffet guy, but I figured thay dint have ice cream in stock, strange though. We finally left and I heard a lot of us thanking the bosses, shaking hands, hugging each other. Nice feeling. :) I also moved towards Boss #1.
R: Thanks a lot, S.
Boss: You are always welcome, R.
R: (smiling wickedly) I thanked for the ice-cream, S.
Boss: (Embarassed) Sorry yaar, they didnt have it. We'll have one once we get downstairs.

I smiled and dint say anything, cz I appreciated what he had said and I also knew there wudnt be an Ice Cream wala outside at this hour of night. Its atitude dat matters to me!

I have a special caption for the pix below: "Shikari khud yaha shikar ho gaya!"

It was a gr8 evening that made us see who we really were, what we were made of and our different facets. We were just being ourselves, unlike we are when we are in office. May be we dont realise, but we put on a mask wen at work but the real us comes out only in these times! This outing also made me realise how important such times are for they let you know each other better.

Sweety

Mother's day

Happy Mother’s day to all…




A perfect morning, the day started with a long walk and my fav radio station, and before I forget to mention, lemme tell you the best part of this morning... the weather today! It rained in Delhi & NCR today!

See what I clicked!







Its mother’s day today. Honestly, I don’t believe in these observations cz few people and things are so vital in our lives, that we just cant celebrate them in just one day of the year…they are to be cherished all thru our lives…


But I have a few things in mind which I’d like to jot down today, about my Mom and my childhood…These are a few things I’d never forget in life:

• Mom used to say I was fairer than milk when I was born. Morning after my birth, one of my cousins, after seeing me, told her elder brother how sweet I looked. She was so elated by that feeling that she went on describing me. She used the word “sweet” so many times that her brother (who’d had enough, guess) had declared, “Let’s name her Sweety”.. And that’s how I got my name!



• Like every other kid, when I started talking, it look me long to get a few words right. A pigeon was called “Taate”, soap was “chhanjun”, katori (bowl) was “kotri” and so on. But the best of them all was how I pronounced the word six! No matter how hard everyone wud try, I wudnt say “six”, but I’d say “chick” !!! Pure fun :D



• This was back in 1987, I started going to school when I was hardly 2.5 yrs old. A lady was appointed to pick me and a few other kids of the locality to take us to school. She’d pick me first and the two of us would walk around and pick other kids and by the time I reached school, I used to be half dead! Quite weak as I already was, I used to start vomiting as soon as I stepped in the school. As a result, mom talked to my school principal, who used to live nearby, and she started picking me up on her way to school…and I got rid of those pukish mornings.



• Another school memory…mom once visited school for a parents meeting. As she entered the class-room, she noticed I wasn’t doing the class work, but just looking at the girl sitting next to me…mom enquired my teacher who happily responded saying the other gal had not brought her pencil that day and so I had lent her my only pencil before I did my own work!!! Was I so generous way back then??? Unbelievable…



• I had prayed to God to give me lil brother when someone told me Mom was about to bring a baby home. I was hardly six then. One morning when my cousin woke me up telling me I had got a younger sister that morning, I simply refused to even open my eyes! Turning to the other side I said, “I had asked for a boy, not a gal. Ask god to change it before I get up, or else I wudn’t talk to Him” So bad!!!



• Like every other elder kid, I had my fair share of sibling rivalry too. Dad was neutral, but mom wud always favor her and all I’d get was scolding. I still remember once I fell down from stairs with her in my arms and I was the last one to be noticed, she got all the attention! I had many similar grievances, which were never addressed… but with time, I have understood how natural and real it is, life teaches you everything!

• As a kid, I was pretty regular with TV, mithun da being my fav hero of all… I once saw him getting bruised in an action scene and I ran towards my mom to get a band-aid for him, though I never thought how it’d reach him! So attached I was! In another movie, he dies but re-incarnates (the usual Indian filmy drama, u know). Moments ago, I was so grieved by his death as I thought it was real & I wudnt get to watch another movie of his, but now his presence on screen delighted me and made me jumping and chirping all over the place! Those were the days…



• The place where I spent the initial 4.5 yrs of childhood had plenty of monkeys roaming around in the residential area. They would roam as if it was their kingdom and would ruin everything they had access to. One such afternoon, when mom and I were alone at home, two of’em entered the kitchen, coming down from terrace. Doing the usual thing, drinking water straight out of refrigerator, one of them caught my leg and wudnt leave me while I was in mom’s lap. We both shouted our lungs out and a neighbor came running to rescue us. He literally joined his hands and chanted Hanuman Chalisa and that made the monkey leave me and go back!

For me, days like mother's day or even valentine's day don’t really matter but people do, but this day today has reminded me of the best days of life I got to spend withher…miss ya, mom!

Here's something to suffice my funny bone:

Sweety.

Appraisal Blues

Thinking of Michael Jackson...humming one of his songs...

All I wanna say is that

they don't really care about us!

Sweety.

Badal pe paao hain!!!!!

“We're blessed with an angel, Our princess has arrived!!!”

My husband was sending this text message to everyone we both knew and we could hear our phones ringing non-stop. I had been thru probably the most terrible pain and the fruit was now in my arms – a baby girl, my hubby had always wanted a daughter, I guess every father does the same, though I had no preferences as such, honestly.

As the visitors’ hour approached, I saw my few hours old lil gal trying to get acquainted with almost everyone, peeing in the laps of only the lucky ones ;) while her dad cudnt stop smiling for even a fraction of a second, as if all his wishes had come true, and I was lost in flash back of last few months, which we both had spent, sometimes imagining, sometimes dreading (only me) and sometimes dreaming, rather day dreaming!

My life was changed and I was so very excited about the coming days, rest of my life will now be revolving around not only my man, but around her too, I’l get to be wat I’ve always loved being, a kid! I dint care if I was going to get sleep-less nights or lazy days, I was plain happy – period! I soon conversed with the doc, and I was told she had been easy on me, and I so thanked the God (who I think of only when I have to thank Him) for this, for saving me from facing my biggest fear…a caesarian delivery, I had always feared this…

I was lost in all this when my cell phone rang again, informing me that my office cab was on its way to my place, to come pick me for office…what the heck!!! That heavenly time…what was that supposed to be??? A dream? Yes it was a dream, and I got up to the reality, cursing the same God and began my day...

No, this dream really doesn’t mean I m ready to be a mom already…but yes, I am pretty hopeful about it. It might sound funny that whenever I talk about kids, my husband feels as if I am ready to go, and specifies he isn’t yet, and is reassured by me. He’d laugh it out and he’d never answer if I’d ask him how many kids he’d want to father, but I have always wanted just one kid, doesn’t matter a gal or a boy…and when I shared the same with my Rakhi-Brother(who happens to be the only child of his parents), I got a serious advice. He said you can nvr share anything and everything with ur folks, but its hell easier wen its ur sibling who you are sharing it with, so think of at least 2…self experience in that thought was abundant and made me think deeply into it…

I haven’t decided on that yet thinking time will tell the best, but let me tell you, just a glimpse of motherhood and that too in a dream, has made my eyes sparkle, more than ever!

Sweety.